There's this road

-english post-
.. i'll have to take.
It leads through a lot of highs and lows and keeps me busy all the time.
So as it has been pretty quite on my blog, i'll give you an even better and bigger throwback by now.

Let's start with what just happened minutes ago:

92 Days left.
It's official now.
I booked my ticket.
For one Person, one way. 25th of August.

So recently i fought my way through a lot of papers to get my australian passort.
It wasn't a blast, i can tell you but i managed to make it through the application, get all the papers the goverment asked for and soon after that i made an appointment in Berlin

In Berlin i was about to get nerveracked.
"Being born in Australia doesnt automatically make you an australian" is what i've been told at the counter. I had a short mental breakdown of five seconds, asking myself "Where do i belong?" and was relieved when the men behind the glass window pulled out my old australian passport, saying "There you go. You're save." Due to the fact that i had an australian passport handed out by the time i was 14, there must have been some sort of check on my citizenship and he was able to get on with the renewal of this old one. I pulled out my bank card, asking where to pay as soon as he finished the sentence. Almost 300€ exchanged their owner and i was on my way back to Hamburg.

Three weeks later i held that baby in my hand!
Bright blue and beautiful with amazing artwork on every page that already give me tropical vibes by just browsing through. Now there was nothing in my way!

I decided to get myself tattoos i wanted for a long time. Two of them relate to my plans.

If you watched all of "becoming a full australian again" you will know why i just booked a single one way ticket. The plans to travel with Pina changed. She decided to stay in Germany which leaves me to go by myself. There are no recent worries about traveling alone it just makes the goodbye a lot harder. Being with someone close and go on an adventure together was a nice idea but know this whole journey will have some new sides to it and let me reflect a lot more.

I can feel myself changing.
At this point allready.
I see how time passes everyday and the flight is getting closer and closer.
92 Days is what i've just been told as i booked.
There are days i cry
because i don't know if i'll ever see my grandmother again or because of the beloved people i am leaving behind but the hardest part of it is leaving my family.. That breaks my heart.
Same counts for my friends, lovers and basically everything i knew for the past 29 years.
It leaves me so sad i want to curl up in a corner
but than i put on some rainforest sounds.
I go somewhere nice, sit down in the sun, tell my diary how i feel, let myself get driven by the situations i am in. I walk and talk like the absolute free individual i am. I don't have someone to come home to or someone to tell what i am planning. I am just there.
It feels incredible.
That makes me happy.
I feel the urge to travel and try new things.
Discover all the sides of myself i held back in the past few years.
I bought a skateboard three days ago - with 29
Because i wanted it for so long.

I am changing everything right now and i have the power to stand for myself,
my longings, my feelings, everything and i started saying "no"
It feels awesome and you should try it! (This ist not the point to do it)

I feel like my whole world is falling apart.
Some things and people feel like the solid pillars of my universe. Like they would never break away
but most of my world is shifting.
I don't know what is going to happen soon as i touch ground in Australia but i am looking forward to it.  I am looking forward to digg deep in the red sand and find my roots.
Australia, i am coming back for you!

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